


I Have My Reasons

by heliosse



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adventure, Anal, Angst, Blowjobs, Depression mention, Divorce, Drug Abuse Mention, Emotional pain, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Mental Illness, NSFW, Realistic relationship, Road Trip, Romance, Running Away, and this will take u to pain town, drug mention, hinata and kageyama are really gay, its just fuckin gay, later on there's some sex, realistic friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-09 10:58:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5537360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heliosse/pseuds/heliosse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the divorce of his parents, Kageyama Tobio learned that not everything was picture perfect. Just as the dust begins to settle with his new stepmother and his negligent father, he learns that his real mother has fallen terminally ill halfway across the country after being away from their family for years. After learning that his stepmom is doing anything in her power to stop Kageyama from seeing his mother, he chooses to run away from his family (with an unlikely friend by his side) in order to finish the life he was supposed to have with his mother before it is too late. </p><p>His mother needs him. And it's up to him to find his new home- but he surprises himself with what his real home might actually be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Four

**Author's Note:**

> I know my summary sucks but just hear me out okay, it's deeper than that! I couldn't give it all away (: This is for Andy, Merry Christmas!

The nightmares come at early dawn, as they do.

Waking up in a cold sweat, ruining his beauty rest is the last thing on Kageyama Tobio’s feeble mind as he jolted awake, his eyes flinging open. He was no longer in his nightmare, he was in his bedroom. Light had not yet reached his window, and the frost that covered the panes of glass hadn’t began to glisten.

_As they do._

It took him a while to adjust to his settings, as was typical during the harder nights when things like this happened. Although it wasn’t really _nighttime_ any longer, Kageyama desperately wished that it was. He clung onto the last remaining droplets of good sound rest like it was his lifeline. Truth be told, as much as he hated waking up like this, he was used to it. That stupid nightmare, with the basement and- and what was down there, however, still made the hair on the nape of his neck prickle. The heating vent above his bed kicked on, and he felt the warm air cascading down his bare shoulders as he checked his alarm- four-thirty, on the dot. Not as bad as last week, he would give himself that. He slid out of the comforting embrace of the duvet, and his feet landed on the cold hardwood. And thus, began the meticulous process of his morning routine.

The first thing to be fixed was his bed. He folded the duvet back into place, fluffed his pillows, and made sure not a single wrinkle was visible. He had gotten quite good at this, since he almost always now had two extra hours in the morning to do as he pleased. He trudged to the door of his bedroom, swinging it open slowly. The door didn’t make a sound-another trick he had learned due to being up so early; he had to tiptoe his way around his parents. The bathroom light was on, as always, and Kageyama squinted as the light hit him. he looked down at his feet, his spindly legs, his concave torso, and then rolled his head up to look in the mirror- Same old grey eyes, his hair a slight mess. Split ends.. he’s gotta get rid of those someday. _Abilitol_ is sitting on the bottom shelf on the right hand side of his medicine counter, which he took like it was a religious practice.

If habit is king, then his own oligarchy is downright tyrannical.

The shower spitted water through the faucet a few times before the warm water began to stream down, and Kageyama stepped inside after undressing. He let the water mat his hair down as the next ten minutes became a blur. The Abilitol always did this..

_“Once in the morning, once at night…”_

_“Just take the pills Kageyama. Maybe then you’ll stop having your episodes.”_

What the fuck ever.

Truth be told, he and Abilitol had a hate-hate relationship. He always thought it was kind of stupid that the side affects, at least a few of them, were things that his shrink was hoping they’d get rid of as a result of the medication. However the amount of irony the situation presents, Kageyama’s father was a big believer in the whole modern day psychiatric medical scene. So it was only natural that he would make his son go to a doctor whose only treatment came from an orange bottle. Tragically, it was always thus.

After the shower, after dashing back to his room in a towel to dress himself, he sat himself back down on his bed and checked online for homework. Sure, it was the fifth time he had checked since the afternoon yesterday when he came home, but it never hurt to check again. Nothing out of the ordinary so far as he scanned down his news feed, just the same old same old…

_Stop._

There was something new on the page, sandwiched snugly in between his math assignments and his biology lab. A news article for the Liberty High School Journalism Club. The LHJC was known for some really good articles (even some controversial ones within the school district). This should be interesting. Kageyama clicked the link on his laptop and followed the article as it unfolded.

“ _LHJC is having an anonymous confession period…”_

“ _Students lives… Reflected in a whole new way… Names will not be published..”_

_“Interviews at 3 pm in room L8.”_

Well good god, wasn’t that something. So the club was writing an article about students, huh? Although he knew he shouldn’t, Kageyama couldn’t stop thinking about how he could actually confess something he’s held inside him. And that it would be published. And… And god, everyone would know but they wouldn’t really _know_ , would they? The thought of that made the blood rush to his head. His story would be all over the school, but… No one would even know it was him. That was exhilarating. Kageyama checked his alarm; the time had passed to about five AM. He still had another hour before he was supposed to really be up, and he was still so curious about the interviews. Too bad he didn’t really know anyone in the LHJC or he would ask them more about it. He supposed, then, that he would simply go in blind. Sometimes it was just better to do that. Ignorance is bliss, after all. At the bottom of the news tab, there was a form that was there for those who would like to be interviewed to sign up. Kageyama sat there for a good ten minutes, staring at the blank document. Would he really do this? Or was the question _should_ he? After all the things he had to go through, Kenma certainly believed that the story should be told. It could be dangerous, however, if anything got out that wasn’t supposed to.

Like Reason Number One; the disappearance of his mother.

From the time he was ten years old and forward hence, Kageyama’s mother wasn’t around the house anymore. His dad said that “mom had to go and take care of herself”. Like the ten-year-old he was at the time, Kageyama could not accept the fact that his mom was somewhere where he couldn’t reach out to her. And it was barely fine that way for a while, living in New Hampshire with his father. Kageyama, after getting vague answers to the “where’s mom?” question, gave up trying to figure it out around thirteen. There was no use. Dad just kept saying that she needed to take care of things, that things didn’t work out between them. Then, to put the icing on the cake, his dad met a newer, shinier mother figure that he claimed would revolutionize their family. How could she not? She was prettier, she was younger, and goddammit, she was _perfect._ And she was Reason Number Two. He couldn’t picture why his dad would replace his mom, his real mom, with… With a bookstore owner named Gianna. Kageyama started getting frustrated, and when he got frustrated, odd things would happen to his brain (the nightmares didn’t help) that concerned his father a little too much. He was fourteen when he met his first bonafide shrink, Dr. Hertz. He was a good doctor, Kageyama could see that; he didn’t believe in medicating fourteen-year-olds, although he knew upfront that Kageyama had an issue. Oh boy, his dad did _not_ like that. He took Kageyama out of that office so fast after being diagnosed that he thought he got whiplash.

“ _Symptoms of depression.. and you’re not treating him?”_

The so-called neglect of his first doctor and the constant reminder that his mother was no longer in the picture led Kageyama to Reason Number Three; Professor Fernandez. He was no doctor, oh no- he was a _professor._ And he took his work incredibly seriously, which his dad was overjoyed to see. Two meetings in and he had prescribed Kageyama with the infamous drug, and made it seem as if all of his problems were going to disappear. Oh, the allure of medicated ecstasy. Hell, _pure fucking bliss._ If Kageyama didn’t know any better, he would actually think the pills were for himself.

Neither of Kageyama’s Reasons were ever released to the public. Not even to his closest friends. So why now? Why in this potentially catastrophic situation, was Kageyama so inclined to reach out to people he didn’t even know? The answer: Anonymity. He was giving himself a heavy-handed welcome into a world full of weak hands. And they wouldn’t even realize they were being dragged down.

Kageyama filled the application out and hit send just as the clock struck six AM.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reason Number Four, as Kageyama would come to find out upon entering room L8, was the interview.

He didn’t know where he was going with this. He was expecting to sit down with a nerdy kid, and answer some pretty basic questions that they had pre-meditated, and watch aforementioned kid jot down a few notes before sending him on his merry way. What he was not expecting was to sit down all alone in front of a nerdy kid, and just talk. Just fucking _talk._ Can you believe it? It wasn’t in typical interview style, which was an obvious; the instructor, before letting the interviewers and the interviewees get to work, explained the entire situation. The journalists were to sit their test subjects down and spark a question. a pretty generic one, may he add. And from there, all they had to do was sit back and take copious amounts of notes while the volunteers spilled until there was nothing to spill.

_“Just tip the barrel, let the apples do the rest.”_

Thanks, Mr. March.

3:15 PM, and Kageyama Tobio was sitting with the scrawniest looking boy he had ever seen. He was sitting cross-legged on the plastic chair beneath him (an amazing feat on its own- God, how small was he?), and his fiery hair made a lit candle look dull. He sighed as Mr. March finally finished his lengthy speech about keeping the integrity of anonymous source intact, and smiled brightly at Kageyama. Was everything about him bright? Twas a mystery.

“I’m Hinata. Hinata Shouyou,” The boy said, his introduction accompanied by the outward reach of his hand. “I’m going to be conducting our interview today. And you are..?” Hinata studied Kageyama, his overbearing curiosity becoming very apparent to him. Hinata was already turning into somewhat of an anomaly to him.

“Kageyama Tobio,” He answered cooly, taking Hinata’s hand and shaking it before folding his hands in his lap. Hinata began to jot something down and his pulse rose in tempo by a good ten beats. Wasn’t this an _anonymous_ interview? He was about to interject when Hinata interrupted his train of thought.

“-Ah, don’t worry,” He said, glancing up at him. “Your name is no longer Kageyama Tobio. It’s Anonymous 9, and I’m going to write the interview with that name. I promise.” He gave Kageyama a smile before leaning forward, his hand supporting his chin. “So, Anon 9. Why did you decide to grace us with your presence and your story?”

If he was being honest, it was a hard question to answer in its entirety. He came here, of course, because of the allure of finally getting things off his chest. In the back of his mind, however, it was for recognition. Selfishness doesn’t discriminate, and Kageyama was no exception. “I think it’s time I got some things off my chest,” he said. “Y’know, about things I just never saw fit to come up in conversation.” Hinata nodded, and his eyes grew wide. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small silver recording device.

“Uh-crap, sorry. I forgot to turn this on. Okay, Hold on..” He fiddled with the recorder, and Kageyama rolled his eyes. Even though he barely knew this guy as of fifteen minutes ago, somehow he felt that faults like this were a typical occurrence for him. He finally got it set up and then set the recorder on his lap. “Could you say that again, for the recording? I’m going to look back on this later so I can write the article.”

“Uh, sure,” Kageyama mumbled. He felt much more mindful of his voice now, the knowledge of being recorded being the center of his attention. “I think it’s time I got some things off my chest,” He said, remembering his words as best he could. “Y’know, about things I just never saw fit to come up in conversation.”

Hinata nodded, abandoning his clipboard and papers to pay closer attention. “Okay, and if you don’t mind explaining.. What are those things hanging in your mind?”

There was a long, long pause before Kageyama spoke again. The question hung in the air, suspended like a heavy morning mist. It was crystal clear, of course; what was bugging him? The answer, also, was surprisingly simple. everything. Every fucking thing since his mom left, and was unfairly replaced with Perfect Gianna, and… And who knew what else added to the pile of shit that was his situation. So, with that, Kageyama answered in the most honest way he could.

“My Reasons,” he said, watching Hinata as his expression changed. It was curious, but his concern laced through his face, replacing the blood in his arteries. He continued, unfazed. “My Reasons. I call them that because they’re the biggest reasons right now as to why I feel… Not myself.” He paused, waiting for Hinata to give him the go-ahead. Hinata raised his eyebrows, and that was Kageyama’s cue.

“Reason number one is my mom. My real mom.” Kageyama felt as if his veins were disintegrating as he mentioned the thought. He cleared his throat. “- My mom… my mom and I were close. She and I… We just got each other, you know? We clicked like no one else in the world even came close to clicking. We’re still like that, at least I’d like to think so. Up until I was about ten, we were the closest of pairs. we always shared secrets and we knew, mutually, that we could trust each other with anything. She had this amazing, zany personality. it was infectious. And then one day, just like that, boom. Mom and dad are getting a divorce.

“It was so sudden that I couldn’t even believe it. I thought my parents were head-over-heels for each other, you know? But doesn’t every young kid, I mean, they’re your _parents._ Parents don’t just stop loving each other. My dad, however, explained it to me like this: _Your mom needs to go somewhere, she’s got to figure some things out. Maybe she’ll be back someday._ What the hell that was supposed to mean, I don’t know. I still don’t know. Maybe she’s sick, but I try not to think about it. After a few years of it being just me and the old man, I got a new stepmom.” Kageyama broke his dialogue, pausing and swallowing hard. He blinked slowly. “…Her name is Gianna and she works at Barnes and Noble. She’s been with us for about two years now, maybe a bit more.. Can’t remember. She’s reason number two. It was just fine as it was without her, but when she started hanging around the house instead of just catching glimpses of us at the bookstore, I knew that.. I knew that my dad had forgotten about my mom.

Kageyama fell silent, and he looked up. He didn’t really know what else to say right now. That… That took a whole lot of energy out of him. He half expected Hinata to be asleep by now; he knew that the story, to others, was probably as boring as a history textbook. However, when he did happen to look up, he saw Hinata, eyes wide and glistening. His lower lip was tucked in between his teeth, and his chin quivered slightly. He was listening. Really listening. Hinata realized that he was being studied and he straightened up, gasping.

“I- do go on,” He stuttered, embarrassed to be caught listening so intently. Kageyama gave him a polite smile, and continued.

“Reason number three,” Kageyama started up again, “Is Dr. Hernandez. Or more specifically, Abilitol. Long story short, after a trial run of my first therapist, my dad decided he needed to up the ante. He needed a “real” psychiatrist, one that wasn’t all about the “wholesome way to heal”. Whatever that meant. Dr. Hernandez was just that person for my dad. After my depressive episodes started getting worse and my nightmares began to reoccur more than once a week, my dad started getting a little too nervous for me. He’s a big stickler on the modern medicine thing. And so in order to help me out, he had Dr. Hernandez give me Abilitol. And… Well, truthfully, I don’t really know if it’s for my sake, or his. I just.” Kageyama stopped, swallowing the dryness in his throat. “I think he wants me to be happy because he doesn’t want to have to deal with me being sad.”

Hinata and Kageyama sat there in room L8 for a long time, looking at each other. Understanding each other. It was more one-sided, of course; When secrets are shared, it’s only up to the other on whether to act upon sharing their own. Hinata was the one to break the quiet between them, reaching over and shuffling through papers on his clipboard. He fumbled to turn the recording off. “Uh. Thank you.. Kageyama. A lot. This interview really opened my eyes to things.” _To what?_ Kageyama thought as he watched him jot a few things down on a new slip of paper. When he was finished he passed the paper to Kageyama, and upon it he had written a few things; permission to be recorded, permission of information use, the usual. He took a pen from one of the empty desks behind him and scribbled his signature inside the designated boxes. Upon handing it back to his interviewer, they exchanged yet another slip. This time, the paper was smaller, folded up into little pieces. Kageyama looked up at him, but Hinata refused to meet his gaze.

What was inside the paper surprised him. He unfolded it right in front of Hinata, who was now fidgeting in his chair as he tried to find something to do.

_Kageyama,_

_Your interview was great, and eye-opening. We have a lot of the same issues, believe it or not.. Maybe we’re both not all that alone. We should chat sometime._

_\- 619-XXX-XXXX - ~Hinata Shouyou_

He’d be regretting it forever if he didn’t accept his offer. Kageyama slipped out of the seat he was in and slung his book bag over his shoulder. Looking back as he turned to walk away, he saw just how anxious Hinata was. He smiled slightly.

“Agreed.” Hinata would know exactly what that meant.


	2. A Collection of Oddities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Convictions are strong things, and anomalies are something else entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has mentions of drug abuse and also gets pretty intense because some medication is involved during a particularly difficult situation Kageyama faces (he doesn't take them, I'll give you that). If you feel like you're sensitive to that, there will be a run-down of what happened in this chapter omitting the gritty details so you can stay caught up.

  _Anomaly_ is typically a word used to describe something that isn’t capable of proper description at all. When you meet _someone_ who happens to be an anomaly, you could search for days trying to find the right words- astounding, extraordinary, unique. All close, but just not close enough. Because as much as an anomaly is a thing that digresses from what is expected, Kageyama could think of no other way to describe Hinata Shouyou. 

     Since Reason Number Four, Kageyama and Hinata were coming up with every excuse in the book just to see each other, if only for a passing moment. Day one, and Kageyama visited L8 after school, even though there was nothing happening. Day four, and he had noticed Hinata was now in his field of view when walking to his third period class. By the time a month had passed, it seemed out of the ordinary if they hadn’t gotten a text from the other by 6 AM. Late night texts turned into phone calls, the two of them confessing to each other what they hadn’t told anyone. Their trust for one another was undying. The way they began to fit into each other’s lives was the beginning of a symphony. Two soloists, now a duet. That, Kageyama believed, was an anomaly all in itself. 

     Their trust in each other, yet much it was already clear upon their first meeting, had grown surprisingly fast. Hinata's past was Reason Number Five. It turned out that Hinata was adopted- his mother, as he came to find out for himself a year ago, was a drug addict. His new family had taken him to New Hampshire with them after Hinata had been in foster care back in Northern California for five years. The confession came easier for Hinata than for Kageyama. It seemed that he had a better hold of himself - maybe it was simply that he had gotten used to the abandonment. For Kageyama, it was a relief to have someone that could just… Be there _with him_ , not just for him. Hinata shared his pain. He _knew_ his pain like the back of his hand, and he could relate to it like no one else could (not even his father). Empathy knew no bounds when it came to Kageyama’s newfound friend, and he was incredibly grateful.

    Sometimes, even in the most hopeful of times, those keeping us afloat can flounder. 

     Reason Number Six came a little sooner than Kageyama was prepared for. _“I don’t think she can beat this, Gianna.”_ Those words cut Kageyama open like a knife. He was outside the door that entered into the living room, listening in on a conversation between his father and his stepmom. The shouting was the initial thing that drew him in; unintelligible, but being the curious person he naturally was, he couldn’t help but eavesdrop a little bit. After all, he kind of _liked_ the idea that the two of them could be fighting, although he knew in the back of his mind that it was a treacherous thing to ponder. By the time he could actually hear them, however… He kind of wished that he hadn’t been so intrusive. Gianna and his dad were talking about his mom. And there couldn’t have been a worse sentence to possibly come out of his father’s mouth. 

    " _I don’t think she can beat this, Gianna."_

_"She’s a fighter but this is deadly."_

_"We can’t tell Kageyama, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself."_

The two continued talking and if he was being honest, the situation was collapsing on itself. Kageyama leaned in closer, straining his ears to catch anything else that would let him know what was going on. 

    " _What do you want me to do with the address then, just toss it? Erase her?"_  That was Gianna’s voice. Kageyama’s anger shot through him. What does she think that she already did? She already erased his mother from the picture… But the address. Was that his mother’s new one? 

Kageyama’s legs began to wobble, and he steadied himself on the adjacent wall. Each syllable tore at his chest, and his lungs were constricting in response. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t see. They were talking about his mother- the mother he thought was gone from their lives forever, the mother that he _loved-_ And she was sick. She was deathly ill, and his father had planned on never telling him. The amount of betrayal Kageyama felt was catastrophic; he was blindsided, completely beside himself. As he turned to stagger back up the stairs, his mind began to reel with a thousand sparks of different thoughts all at once. He tripped on the top step, bracing himself clumsily with the palms of his hands. _Mom is sick. She’s gonna die. Where is she?_ Kageyama stumbled into his bathroom, closing the door behind him. _Why is-_

    He didn’t even realize he had been talking to himself. His thoughts weren’t just swimming, they were _drowning_ him. Kageyama barreled across the bathroom like a storm, a flurry of what-ifs instead of wind and torrenting rain. His medicine cabinet unlatched, although it wasn’t easy with his shaking hands. Abilitol sat on the bottom shelf, watching over him, the tyrant of all tyrants. _Habit is king._ Kageyama hesitated as he stared the bottle down, his breath ragged and hot. He shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t do what he was about to do after taking that damn medication like it was his lifeline just to please his father. Ever since he first felt its effects, he wanted to get rid of that orange bottle. It teased him as he studied it. It would make him feel better, it would calm his nerves, it would help him _feel something._

    Kageyama, in one fell swoop, swiped the bottle from the cabinet shelf. He tried to open the cap, but his trembling fingers couldn’t squeeze the childproof top. “God… god _dammit,_ ” he mumbled to himself, his voice cracking. He pulled harder, squeezed his fingers more- it still wasn’t enough. _Fuck._ In a last attempt to get it open, he slammed the cap against the counter with a pathetic cry, knowing that  the action was futile. He surprised himself, however, when the cap burst off the bottle, sending several pills flying out over the countertop. Kageyama gasped, choking on the intake of breath, and scrambled to pick up the pills. He was done with these stupid pills, done with how they made him feel so sluggish and tired and _dead_. He scooped the pills up in his hand, and then slipped them back into the orange tube. Kageyama felt a weight pressing down on his brain, forcing him to take his time as he trudged backwards to the toilet. He kneeled, and with the bottle rattling in his grip, he poured every last one of the pills into the water. 

     _Flush._

Kageyama sat there for what seemed like days, the weight on his brain pressing down harder still. His vision was weak and he couldn’t catch a solid breath. He stared down at the pills all the same regardless, debating with himself. Should he do it? It was almost too late now to decide to take it back. Some of the pills were already dissolving, their chalky texture no match for the water around them. He couldn’t possibly fish them out anymore. 

     _Flush it, Kageyama._

Not his voice, his mother’s. 

     _Just do it already, come on._

A different one now, one that was all too familiar and haunting. The one from his reoccurring nightmare. He couldn’t take it anymore. On impulse he reached out and pushed down on the flush valve, watching as the pills washed down to meet their watery end. The weight on his brain lifted, but he felt something different now- numb. And that, he believed, was even more terrifying than the feeling of dread. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

     “Hinata, do you think that your mom is still alive somewhere?” 

     It had been hours since Kageyama had flushed all the Abilitol down the toilet in his bathroom. He had been staring at the ceiling for a long while, feeling… A whole lot of nothing. He knew what God did when he decided that a person fucked up bad- he bestowed upon them the ability to feel empty. Like a husk instead of a person. It made Kageyama feel like he was shriveling up inside of himself; an odd sensation, to say the least. But he supposed that it was just one of the consequences he would have to deal with. After much debate, he had gotten tired of waiting to call Hinata. He had been desperate to as he climbed out of the numbness, but he just… hadn’t been granted with the energy to do so. He felt, however, that finally he had composed himself enough to make the call. He reached for his phone, patting the bedsheets beside him until he managed to grasp the cool plastic. He dialed the number and waited.

     _“Hello?”_ Hinata’s voice broke the dial tone, and Kageyama felt as if the sound brought a little bit of warmth back into the room. It sounded ridiculous, but he’d be damned if he said he was lying about the feeling. 

     “Hinata,” Kageyama said, addressing him with no need for a formal introduction. He would know who this was by now anyway. “Do you think your mom is still alive somewhere?” 

    There was a long, drawn out silence, the phone static buzzing into Kageyama’s ear. For a moment or two, he thought that he had taken it too far- he had probably ended up asking a question that was out of turn. He was relieved to hear that Hinata had finally broken the silence between them. He heard him sigh and Kageyama let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

     _“…Kageyama, I don’t know,”_ he said, his voice unsteady now. “ _I don’t know what happened to her after I learned she was on drugs. All I have is the address to wherever she might be… And I don’t even know if she’s there anymore.”_

“Oh.” Kageyama cut his sentence short, swallowing hard. Damn, that was just… That was rough. But they had one thing in common; the address. It stuck out like a sore thumb in Kageyama’s mind. They both had the potential to leave and go find their moms. And really, what was stopping them? He mulled this over before speaking again. “I have another question to ask you.” 

     “ _Okay, what is that?”_ Hinata asked. His voice was a little lighter than before.

     “You’re gonna think I’m crazy,” Kageyama said, letting a dry laugh slip past him. He heard Hinata giggle and he smiled. At least he still had enough in him to have a sense of humor. 

     “ _Kageyama, I already think you’re crazy. But it’s a good thing.”_

     “Well…” Kageyama hesitated. Should he even be suggesting this right now? Maybe he just wasn’t in his right mind to judge for that accurately. Because right now, he had the strangest conviction to think of the impossible. “Hinata, what do you think about going to find our moms?” 

     Again, silence. This time, it was a bit more expected- after all, it was quite the loaded question. If someone had asked him the same thing, he would have had to call the other back. He waited on the line, listening to Hinata’s breath become short. 

     _“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you that it’s the one thing I’ve wanted to do my entire life,”_ Hinata said finally, and Kageyama smiled yet again. God, he couldn’t believe he had even asked, but the response was something he was expecting even less. He felt something fizzing up in his stomach as he choked out his response. 

     “Good. That’s so good,” he said, sitting up from where he was laying down on his bed. Kageyama was jittery, his hand making the phone vibrate. “Because I want to go. I want to go find my mom… Hinata, my mom is sick.” There was another pause between the two, and Kageyama’s emotions began to take over once more. “She may be terminally ill, that’s what I heard my dad say… and my stepmom has the address of the hospital somewhere in this house. I need to find her, I have to say goodbye to her before-“ Kageyama couldn’t speak anymore. His throat had closed and he was floundering, trying to find the right words but finding none to give. It was a painful process before he finally managed to stutter out the last part of his sentence. “-Before she’s gone.” 

     Sometimes, there are things that don’t become real until you let the world know. 

     _“You deserve to see your mom,”_ Hinata said without hesitation. “ _I… I want to go with you. Wherever, whenever. Okay?”_ Kageyama heard a sniffle across the line and he found himself with tears streaking down his own cheeks. 

     “We’re leaving tonight.” his own words surprised him. “We’re leaving tonight, I’m packing up, finding that address, and I’ll pick you up. Get ready.” 

     _“God, you’re crazy.”_

_Click._

Kageyama’s conviction carried him from his bed to his closet, standing on his tiptoes to reach the suitcase resting on the top shelf. He managed to get it down without making a mess, and as soon as he got it open he began piling clothes inside. Two sweaters, three shirts, three pairs of pants, and a week’s supply of underwear later, he had moved on to the hallway.  He snuck into the bathroom and pulled out everything he would need, and turned out the light before creeping back. Kageyama made it unscathed, thank God. He dumped all his necessities into the front pocket and zipped everything up. Now came the hard part; he needed to find that address. 

     It was well past midnight now, as Kageyama had dreaded. Which meant that either his dad and Gianna were asleep in their bedroom, or they were still down in the basement. Whatever. He just needed to find that address without getting caught. Gianna hinted earlier that she had the address, which meant there were two places it could be; in her vanity dresser, or their closet. Those were the only places that Kageyama had observed she stashed things. Everything else she put out on display, for everyone and their fucking mother to see. She was just like that, he guessed. But everyone has their secrets. And in this case, it was the address she was keeping from her stepson. He walked as gracefully as he could down the hall once more, not stopping when he reached the bathroom this time but instead going straight towards their bedroom. He could tell the television was on, but the lights were off. Shit. Well hopefully they were sleeping… If they weren’t, he’d have to fake a stomach ache in order to get out of the situation. He pushed the door open and peered his head inside. To his fortune, both of them were passed out. His dad was snoring and Gianna was so far gone that she was mumbling to herself in her sleep. Kageyama sighed with relief. But it wasn’t over yet. 

     The vanity was to the right of the bathroom. Kageyama, avoiding the places on the hardwood floor where he knew it would squeak, made his way to the mirror. He looked over his shoulder and then opened the drawer farthest to the left. Nothing except for a bunch of makeup… All right, maybe there’d be more luck in the other drawers. He opened the next one and was disgusted to find a handful of condoms. Ugh, God. He couldn’t close that drawer fast enough. He had one left. He bit down on his lip as he slowly opened it, mentally crossing his fingers- Boom. Right there, buried beneath some sticky notes, a piece of paper with a bit of writing on it stuck out between pieces of paper. Kageyama dug for it, forgetting temporarily to mind his volume. His father shifted in the bed and he stopped cold, bracing for what was to come. There was nothing, and eventually his father resumed snoring. This time Kageyama carefully exctracted the piece of paper and squinted to read it. 

     _9433 Catalina Drive, Oakland, CA._

That was it. He had it. He knew where his mom was. His heart was swelling to monumental proportions as he read it over and over again. Oakland. That’s where she was. He grabbed a sticky note from the drawer and wrote it down quickly; it felt good to write. It was real now. He stuffed the note in his pocket and put the real paper with the address on it back in the drawer. It would be too obvious if he took it, they would go come looking for him if he didn’t put it back where he was. He turned around, relieved yet again to see that neither of them had woken up. Kageyama slipped out of the room and practically sobbed from how much stress that had put him under; but it was over now, he had it, and he was leaving. Goodbye school, goodbye dad, _goodbye Gianna._ And a warm welcome to the place where he was supposed to be. 

     Leaving his home was harder than it should have been. Not for the concrete reasons, like the alarm on the front door sounding or the noise his car would make trying to start up. It was something much more complicated than that. His memories. He had packed up, as well as managed to find the 500 dollars he had saved up from his summer job last year. But even though he was completely ready… He wasn’t. He wasn’t prepared to leave this place entirely, no matter how much he loathed it. It was his home, of course he felt that way; it was, to him, like covering up an old scar. It was always going to be there no matter what you did to try and erase it off of your face. So he supposed that he would give a liquid goodbye to New Hampshire. Liquid goodbyes, as opposed to solid ones, string you along in the hopes that maybe one day you could come back to something. Solid goodbyes… those were situations that were over before they even started. They have beginnings and ends, and once they are gone you never get them back. In Kageyama’s opinion, solid goodbyes were simply promises that are permanently kept. 

     Kageyama sat on the floor of his bedroom and felt the punishment of emptiness overcome him again for a long time. 

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

     **> I’m coming, are you ready? **

Kageyama had finally prepared himself enough to take the walk out of the house, to his car. He triple checked his belongings once his car started; clothes, necessities... phone charger, too. Just in case, although he knew he wouldn’t be contacting anyone for a long time. Hinata’s house was three blocks away, facing the back side of the high school. It was two in the morning, and Kageyama was admittedly a bit anxious driving down the streets- it was past curfew, and he knew there were bound to be cops around. He got a text just as he put his car into drive and pulled out of the driveway into the street. 

     **< Ready! **

Typical of Hinata to be excited about something like this, at this time at night. _He has enough energy to charge my phone up,_ Kageyama thought to himself. It might be nervous energy, but he’d much rather think it was something positive. He drove the shortest way possible down the main road, looking out his side and rearview mirrors every three seconds (call him paranoid, but if you were pulling some shit like this, you would be too). He pulled up to Hinata’s driveway, and as if on cue, a shadow emerged from the darkness of his porch. Hinata had a big suitcase, substantially larger than his; and it looked to be overstuffed. The more the merrier, he guessed. He rolled down his window as Hinata approached. 

     “Hop in, your stuff can go in the trunk.” Hinata just nodded and headed back to where the trunk was open and waiting for him. Kageyama supposed that the nerves were getting the best of him. He returned shortly empty-handed and slid in the front seat. “Have everything you need?” Kageyama asked as he rolled up the window. Hinata, a man of simple words, only nodded yet again. He took that as the fact that he needed the world to be quiet for a while.

     _Agreed._

Silence seemed to be a reoccurring theme between the two of them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable; it sat between them, warm and oddly comforting as the sun began to peek past the cityscape. There wasn’t a single person on the road once they hit interstate 5, but Kageyama expected no different; no one was going to be up at 5:30 in the morning to drive out of the city. The lack of people, combined with the only sound being the hum of the engine, he felt like he was in another place. Maybe that was a good thing, for a while. An escape seemed like something they both desperately needed. The true finality of the situation began to set in when he passed a sign to his right. 

     _Now Leaving Concord_

Kageyama looked over to see if Hinata had seen it too. He had, because he was turned to look at him as well, a certain gleam in his eye. An expression that could only loop Kageyama back to the fact that Hinata Shouyou was indeed the greatest anomaly of them all. 

     “Kageyama,” Hinata finally said, looking back towards the outstretch of road in front of them. “Where are we going?” 

    Kageyama turned back to face the road as well. 

    “Oakland.” 

     Hinata reached out to grab Kageyama's free hand, and was surprised to find that he didn’t think to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rundown for those who skipped reading this chapter: 
> 
> Kageyama discovers from his dad and stepmom's conversation that his mom is terminally ill. He's blindsided by this, and in his rage he dumps the Abilitol his father has made him take to control his mental state down the toilet. He calls Hinata, and both of them decide that it's time for them to find their mothers; Hinata's mother has been in a hospital for drug abuse, and he would like to see if she's still alive. They pack up and prepare to drive all the way to Oakland CA, the place where Kageyama suspects his mother to be, before it's too late. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading, let me know what you think in the comments and leave some kudos for me (: 
> 
> P.S. - Happy Birthday Andy! And I'd like to thank Jake for doing all that proofreading for me.


	3. Sevens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata is shaken up after seeing someone who he never thought he would see again, and Kageyama is tormented in his own way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooooo boy, this is a long chapter! Sorry I haven't gotten a chance to post anything since the 26th but sometimes things come up. Minor recollection of a character's death in this, but nothing all too bad. enjoy (: I'm just gonna be here cranking out more chapters

_"Oakland? Wait, really?"_

There was a long, long road in front of Kageyama and Hinata. Literally speaking as well as figuratively; sure, they had been driving for hours by now. What was more taxing for the two of them, though, was the heavy weight of realization. They were actually doing this. It didn't occur to Kageyama as quickly as it did for Hinata, but the thoughts of leaving New Hampshire for an alien place set in for both of them, as they do.

Hinata's realization came to him within fifteen minutes of Kageyama uttering his last word in the car that morning. Oakland. It seemed like it was just too coincidental… Hinata saw a sticky note in Kageyama's pocket, the top half clearly visible. Sloppily written on it was the address which, presumably, was where his mom was. Hinata almost choked when he saw what exactly was written. No way, it couldn't… No. Kageyama's mom was sick, like, physically ill. Kageyama even heard them say it, at least, that's what Hinata gathered. Hinata instinctively grabbed Kageyama's hand as the blood drained from his head. He couldn't even trust his own eyes, in fact, he refused.

 _9433 Catalina Drive, Oakland, CA_.

The address written on Kageyama's note was the exact same as Hinata's own destination. Which meant that his mom and Hinata's were somewhere in the same hospital. Hell, they could even know each other. And where exactly were they heading? Sunrise Rehabilitation Center. Dedicated to healing those who suffer from depression and drug abuse, in specifics. Those were their specialties. The weight of the situation hit Hinata like a bus and he squeezed Kageyama's hand tighter. There were two things then that came to mind:

1\. He couldn't tell him.

2\. they absolutely _must_ get to Oakland.

The fifteen minutes of silence that followed Kageyama's words were deafening. The sun, oblivious to what was going on down beneath it, began to rise cheerily. Well, Hinata supposed that it could be a great day for someone. They, however, were not those someones. Hinata finally put away the shock on his face and tried to make conversation.

"Oakland? Wait, really?" Hinata said, his voice slightly strained. He was about to say something out of necessity but his conscience made him think better. He didn't have it in him to tell him where they were going. "Ah… That's super far. How are we gonna make it there?"

"By car. I think I have enough money to fill up my tank about ten times or so, and my car has pretty good mileage. But I really don't know where we're gonna end up staying… Maybe we can find a cheap motel a few times on the way." Kageyama glanced over to him and cracked a smile. "Try not to worry too much about it, okay? We're just gonna do our best." Okay, maybe he was a bit worried too. Who wouldn't be though after leaving their home without a note or a reassurance for their family? It was a difficult situation to not think about in the grand scheme of things… but sometimes you just need to take a step back and let the ridiculousness of a situation be just that- ridiculous. Which was exactly what Kageyama intended to do.

Being stoic and high-strung was what Kageyama's personality was like, but it was never what he actually was. Nor will it ever be. But as the appeal of Abilitol introduced itself into his life, the promise of medicated relief came along with it. Kageyama, a once bright and energetic kid (he had a bit of a temper too), was dulled. The Abilitol smoothed out the sharp edges, but in that sense, it made his aura lose its volume, until inevitably, he was mute. The smile he put out felt like he was finally breaking through a steel wall; he hadn't been so relaxed over things in a long time. It had been a full 24 hours since he took his last pill. He felt like… He felt like he could _feel_. Whether that was good or bad, he had no clue. But he could feel. And that in itself was quite the oddity indeed.

Time ticked on, the sun changing positions over time until it finally disappeared beyond the horizon. Hinata managed to distract himself from the dilemma he was in this morning, munching on granola bars and drawing in his sketchbook. It was around seven in the evening by now, and the both of them were extremely hungry. Kageyama, however, was concentrating so hard on driving and getting far enough out of New Hampshire that he didn't even hear his stomach rumbling. Hinata, however, had nothing to concentrate on but the empty feeling in his stomach. He already ate three granola bars stashed in Kageyama's glove box and drank a whole bottle of water, but it still wasn't enough.

"Kageyamaaaaaa," Hinata groaned, clutching his stomach. "I'm so hungry. We've been driving all day and by butt hurts from sitting… I wanna stretch and get food-"

"Just let me know when you stop complaining," Kageyama said cooly, continuing to drive on past the fifteenth rest stop they've seen today. Hinata looked at the rest stop with a longing stare and let out a long whine.

"I'm not going to stop until you pull over. I'm hungry and I need to use the bathroom and my butt hurts!" He cried, shaking Kageyama's shoulder. He pointed to a sign to Kageyama's right; there was a gas station and attached restaurant five miles from where they were. "If you don't stop at that Shell Station I'm going to kick your ass."

Kageyama groaned and waved him off. "Fine, if that'll shut you up-" Hinata's fist went flying to Kageyama's shoulder and he yelped. "Hey!"

"Hah! That's what you get for complaining about me complaining." Hinata smiled and then stuck his tongue out, and to that Kageyama rolled his eyes.

"That didn't even make any sense."

"Didn't have to. Just let the ridiculousness of the sentence marinate." Hinata's smile softened and he turned back to look out the window. He had a point there. Sometimes you just need to let things be. 

Five miles later, and Kageyama pulled into the gas station which was just one mile off interstate 5. Although he would never admit it, he was kind of thankful that Hinata had pressured him to get off here. He was noticing now what he hadn't before; his burning needs to use the restroom as well as the empty feeling in his stomach was taking over all of his thoughts. He parked and got out of the car, taking a wad of bills with him, and locked everything up after Hinata stepped out. I hope there's a restroom somewhere, he thought, looking around the main building of the gas station. While he's here, he should probably fill up his tank…It was three-quarters full, but better to be safe than sorry.

"Hinata," He said as they walked through the door, "go ahead and go to the bathroom okay? I'm gonna fill up on gas and then when you're done, come back out so we can trade places."

"Can we get food after?" There was Hinata, always putting the most important priorities firsthand of course."

Yeah," Kageyama replied. "But the sooner you go and the sooner I get gas, the sooner we can leave to get something good. So hurry."

"You got it." Kageyama watched Hinata disappear into the convenience store and he turned on his heel, going back to where his car was parked in front of one of the gasoline meters. He inserted a 20; that should get his tank filled with some change back. He began to fill his car up, looking at his surroundings. For the life of him he just… He couldn't stop fidgeting. Being here, in a foreign place without anyone else around but Hinata, was pretty strenuous. He wasn't normally this worked up… Maybe it was just because he was off his medication. That was probably it. It just took his body a bit to adjust to no longer having the onslaught of pills messing him up, that was all. But still, all the while the gas poured into his tank and the dusk turned to night, he was still on edge. Kageyama scratched the back of his head incessantly, an itch there that never seemed to leave. It had been a good five minutes now, and Kageyama's tank was now full. He had five dollars and 23 cents left.

And Hinata still hadn't come back from the bathroom.

Panic surged through Kageyama as he whipped his head around to look inside the store. No one down the aisles, no one waiting for the bathroom… Someone slipping out that wasn't Hinata, zipping the front of his pants up. Kageyama's breath shortened and came out in small anxious puffs. Where was he? _Where the hell was he-_

Kageyama almost let out a cry of relief when he saw Hinata at the checkout line, buying a bag of chips and a cola. God, he thought that something really bad had happened, or that he had gotten kidnapped, or… something else, he didn't know. He didn't really want to consider all the horrid possibilities. He studied his actions, watching as the man from the bathroom stood behind him in line. Hinata had seemed to tense up, and by the time he had gotten his items checked out, he looked terrified. Kageyama left his car and met Hinata at the door. Hinata, in anyone's standards, did not look well. His face was pale, almost ghost-like, and his shoulders drooped down as if he had been deflated. Maybe Kageyama's nervous tick was for good reason. He stopped and watched him head to the car, unlocking it for him from the door and then locking it again once he was inside. God, if anything happened to him… Someone would be paying, that was for sure. On the way to the restroom, he noticed the same man who came out of the restroom at the checkout line, paying for a copious amount of booze and cigarettes. To each his own, Kageyama supposed. He watched as the man pulled out a messy wad of cash. What, no wallet? Well… He's definitely seen stranger things at a gas station.

Hinata wore the same blank, defeated expression when Kageyama came back from the convenience store, and it was then that he really began to worry about his friend. He thought that it may have just been the stress and how tired Hinata most likely was, after thinking about it while in the bathroom, but… but this was something more. He knew Hinata's tendencies like the back of his hand now and this was not normal for him at all. He struggled to say something, not knowing what to do until he managed to choke out a sentence.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, pulling out from the station onto the main road. It took Hinata a moment to gather himself and answer.

"I'm… Yeah. I'm fine." Hinata said, his voice unusually quiet. Kageyama raised an eyebrow.

"Hinata. I don't believe that for a second. You and I both know something's wrong… What happened back there? Did something scare you?"

Hinata, once again, was silent. He looked over at Kageyama, who in turn locked eyes with him. Hinata reached for his hand again and he took it without question, this time being the first one to give his hand a squeeze. Kageyama determined that it was probably in their best interest to not talk about it. When bringing up things in your life you haven't told anyone else, they become real to those around you. And maybe, Hinata would rather live in fiction.

 

~<>~

 

847 dollars and 23 cents. That's what was left over between the two of them after finally settling to rent a cheap motel room for the night, stopping for gas, and going through the drive through. Of course, it was expected that their money would be spread thin, but they were barely past the border of New York by the time ten PM hit. They had quite the journey ahead of them, it seemed. However, as much as he didn't like paying 75 dollars for one night at a Motel 6, the benefits of a hot shower and a bed outweighed the cost. Although Kageyama couldn't wait to get inside and open up his suitcase, he noticed that Hinata was still not his optimistic self. He walked sluggishly, and when addressed, he wouldn't give anything more than a yes or no or an ‘I'm fine'. And Kageyama wasn't gonna let him get away with it. He finally gathered the courage to say something of substance when Hinata came out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair dripping.

"Hinata. Please." Hinata stopped in his tracks and looked up at Kageyama. His eyes were puffy; whether it was from crying or just the heat of the shower, Kageyama would never know. But he decided to opt for the first reason. "What's got you feeling like this? Hm?" Kageyama sat up at the edge of the bed and leaned forward. "You… you're not like this. Ever. I know you, remember?"

Hinata nodded and after a moment, he opened his mouth to speak. "Kageyama?"

"Yeah?"

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you."

It seemed that sentence was a reoccurring theme in Hinata's vocabulary. Did he honestly think Kageyama wouldn't believe him, or did he just not want to say? "Come on. you've told me everything under the sun that's gone on with your life. I'm concerned about you because I care, Hinata." Kageyama looked up at him to see that now he really was crying, small streams of tears streaking down his cheeks and gathering under his jaw. He shook his head, smiling through his tears and laughing in disbelief.

"Ah… Kageyama. I suppose I should really just tell you huh? I was just afraid that... I dunno." He stopped talking, swallowing the thickness that was gathering in his throat. "That man behind me in the checkout line was my father. My birth father."

Kageyama's blood ran cold. His birth father? Here, in the middle of nowhere… Kageyama sat there, his mouth slightly open from shock as Hinata sniffled and began to cry harder.

"I- I should have told you earlier so we could leave but It was just hard for me, okay? It was the first time I had seen him in ten years and, and he was just there all of the sudden. And there was something else I hadn't told you about him because I never thought I would have to bring it up, I never thought you'd need to know-" Kageyama interrupted him, pulling him into a tight embrace. He didn't care that he was dripping wet or half naked, he just cared that his friend, his best friend, was in distress.

"Hinata, listen," Kageyama said, his voice calming against Hinata's wails. "You don't have to tell me, but if it means I have to know in order to protect you, then I'll be damn sure to follow through." He didn't know if it was the right time for Hinata to say what he needed to say, but he couldn't say he wasn't curious. "I'll listen to whatever you have to say."

Hinata's sobs reduced to quiet hiccups as they stood there, the silence heavy between them. Kageyama stood there rubbing his back, and Hinata clung to him, his hands gripping the fabric of his shirt for dear life. He finally quieted down enough for his sentences to be coherent, and he looked up at Kageyama as he pulled away slightly.

"My dad used to… He used to hurt me, pretty bad," Hinata blurted out. "This evening I went to the bathroom in the gas station, and apparently he must have seen me because he followed me in. As soon as I left one of the stalls he cornered me, and…" Hinata's voice trailed off and he shook his head. "He said that I was wrong to have gone off with a new foster family, after all he had done… He hadn't done jack shit, and you know that," Hinata laughed bitterly. "I told him to fuck off and you know what he did? He took the cigarette hanging out of his nasty mouth and he burnt me with it." Hinata looked down, obviously finished with his story. He hugged Kageyama again, and this time, Kageyama could see it; the small circular burn of a cigarette, there on the left side of Hinata's neck.

Kageyama was burning up. He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as he realized what this really meant for Hinata. He saw his birth dad, and worse yet, he recognized him even now. With their luck, they had probably seen their car too… Kageyama began to get tense, his muscles feeling like they were turning to stone. Still, he hugged Hinata, his fingers lacing through his damp hair. He wouldn't let anyone hurt him, not as long as he lived-

_Coward._

Kageyama's eyes flew wide open. No, this wasn't happening again.

_If you had just gone in when Hinata had, you wouldn't have forced him to go through that._

Kageyama squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, backing away from Hinata slightly.

_All your fault._

Kageyama staggered back, sitting on the bed. Hinata wasn't ready for the change in position and he fell against him, making his face turn red. "Ah, sorry-"

"It's okay. I just… I gotta go take a shower now, Okay? I'm really sorry Hinata…I'll be back in a second and we can talk about it." Kageyama's movements were frantic as he grabbed some clean clothes out of his suitcase and clamored towards the bathroom. He left Hinata to change and wonder just why he was acting so strange.

 

~<>~

 

Kageyama turned on the water, not hesitating to step inside even though it was ice cold. The freezing water felt incredible against his skin. Kageyama brushed his hair back into the stream and let the water cascade down his back. He began to shiver but he didn't care, he just needed to concentrate on something other than what he had just experienced. He should be worrying about how Hinata was, not about the voice from his nightmare.

He shouldn't be worrying about Iwaizumi.

Misfortune was a pretty common occurrence in Kageyama's household. Before his mom left, even before he heard his parents mention anything to each other about leaving, there was one event that Kageyama believed set everything off. Reason Number Seven was Iwaizumi, the human time bomb. He was Kageyama's first childhood friend; they had gotten to know each other through their parents. Their moms were best friends since elementary school, and you know how it usually is when best friends grow up and have kids- they project their friendship onto their children and expect them to act the same way. Fortunately for them, it worked out just the way they had planned, and they had become as close as their mothers were to each other. Up until he was eleven, Iwaizumi and Kageyama were inseparable. He was so smart, Iwaizumi was. He was a little snippy, but then again, he was thirteen at the time too. Most young teenagers were like that. And Kageyama liked his blunt personality.

Of course, however, sometimes certain events twist things, turning innocent lives backward and corrupting them. And that was exactly what happened to Iwaizumi and his family. Kageyama didn't quite understand to this day what had happened to his dear friend and his parents. But he knew as soon as he heard the news that he would never be seeing Iwaizumi again.

_"Kageyama, sit down for a second." His father's voice floated through the hall, calling a younger version of himself to sit down on the ottoman in front of the living room couch. "Kageyama… Your friend Iwaizumi passed away today."_

He had come to find out, after much hesitation on his parent's behalf, that he had died in a fire in his own home. And by the looks of it on the news, it was no accident; arson. And who was guilty? None other than Iwaizumi's own father. Kageyama, naturally, was devastated. He spent weeks in isolation, refusing to talk to anyone or go to school. He wasn't the only one, however. Iwaizumi's mother was his own mother's best friend in the entire world. She was the only one that still talked to his mother like a person instead of an authority figure. And now she was gone. His mother had an even harder time with it. And once both of them realized that Iwaizumi's family was never coming back, it began a downward spiral of events that Kageyama nor his mother could get a grasp on.

Kageyama never told anyone about Iwaizumi's voice in his head. At first, he found it as a comfort; it would whisper words of encouragement or Kageyama would entertain himself by talking to it every once in a while. The worse everything got, and the worse he got, however, the more violent things turned. Iwaizumi's voice moved from inspiration to taunting, and now he couldn't control it; it would come up at inopportune times, or when he was under a great amount of stress. Abilitol had seemed to help at first, but it was more a placebo effect than anything else. He was just stuck with Iwaizumi's voice, no matter what he tried, so… He just masked it. He pretended it wasn't happening. Whether that made it worse or not, who could say.

But he was there.

Kageyama snapped out of the trance he was in, realizing that the water had warmed up considerably and he still hadn't gotten clean at all. He rushed to finish and then dried off, putting on clean sweatpants and a large hoodie before exiting the bathroom. Hinata had dressed by now and was laying on the bed on his stomach, drawing in his sketchbook. Kageyama sat beside him and put his hand on the small of his back. He looked down at his sketchbook, curious to see what he had drawn. He was pretty good, actually; he had drawn a few flowers, as well as some small hands and a pair of eyes… Kageyama's eyes, upon closer inspection. They had the same creases at the corners of his eyes, and the same thick lashes… the bags under his eyes weren't there, however. He guessed that Hinata had decided to flatter him.

"That's good," Kageyama murmured, leaning in closer. Hinata instinctively closed his book and looked up at him. His eyes weren't red anymore, and he looked a lot less upset. He smiled up at Kageyama.

"Thank you," He said, "I draw most of the flowers while we were driving but I decided to add a few more."

Kageyama nodded. "I like them. It's pretty." He looked at the clock then; almost midnight. and they should get up pretty early tomorrow if they wanted to get a good distance across New York by tomorrow night. "What do you say we go to bed? It's been a long day."

"Agreed," Hinata said, tossing his sketchbook and pencil over by his suitcase. Kageyama leaned back and covered himself with the thin duvet, and Hinata followed, laying down next to him. Kageyama began studying his features once Hinata closed his eyes. He's got pretty cheekbones, he remarked, his eyes traveling from his cheeks to his jaw… To his lips, to his neck. The burn mark was still present. Kageyama reached out and ever so gently touched Hinata's jaw, and his eyes fluttered open.

"Hm?" Hinata's voice was already groggy from sleep. Kageyama wished he could fall asleep that fast.

"It's nothing," Kageyama whispered. "Go back to sleep."

Hinata shook his head. "No way. You woke me up, there's no going back now… whatever it is, though, make it short, I wanna go back-"

"You have pretty cheekbones," Kageyama said it before he even knew he was going to, and his face turned pink. "There. Happy? Now go to sleep."

Hinata was obviously not satisfied. He furrowed his brow as Kageyama tried to play off his comment, but smiled at how red he was getting. "Mm.. thank you. I quite like them too." There was a pause, and then Hinata himself turned a little pink at the ears. "I um. I like your hair. A-And your eyes, too, I even drew them-" Kageyama smiled at that, swiping his fingers over Hinata's jaw again. God, he really was something else, wasn't he?

"Hinata?"

"Yeah?"

"You know, I want to go with you wherever and whenever too." Kageyama could feel a swelling in his chest, his heartbeat increasing in tempo. He watched Hinata's eyelids flutter again, and his vision went hazy. Why was he feeling like this? he knew he loved and cared for Hinata, and sure they held hands before… But they were in the same bed now, and now their faces were closer than before, and _God_ , Kageyama felt his skin burning under Hinata's touch when he reached out to brush the hair out of his eyes. Hinata was biting his lip, his eyes yearning for something, but just what he couldn't tell.

Kageyama didn't pull away when Hinata pressed his lips against his own.


End file.
